Your Butt Needs a Facial

You've spent hours working that butt into the peachiest shape possible.  But what about the skin covering those hard-won glutes?  I've got you covered with this easy regimen for your other cheeks, just in time to unveil them at the beach.

Here's the good news: those of us who exercise may have thicker, younger-looking butt skin than our sedentary counterparts.  You can read more about that here.  The bad news: no matter how hard some of us train, diet, lotion up, and massage ourselves, cellulite and stretch marks are nearly inevitable.  I'm sure you've all heard by now that even the thinnest of women can be plagued by cellulite.  Boo.  To add insult to injury, your butt spends more time in hiding than nearly any other part of your body.  

The solution?  Stick a bunch of needles in your ass.  No, not syringes filled with silicone - actual NEEDLES.  Say what?! 

Yes, that's right.  The meat and potatoes of this at-home butt facial is a process called microneedling, sometimes referred to as dermarolling.  Best left in the hands of professionals when administered to the FACE, this surprisingly pleasant process works in two ways:

-Allows for deeper product penetration;

-Triggers collagen production, as skin responds to the damage created by the needles.  

Dermarollers are sold according to needle length.  To reap the benefits of collagen stimulation, you'll need a dermaroller with 0.5 mm needles or longer.  I personally use this size, and find it a great place to start.  You can use it on your face as well, but again, a true dermaroller facial is best left in the hands of professionals.  You can read more about dermarollers from this manufacturer, and check out the video below.  Don't be skerrred though.  

Butt Facial Instructions:

*Start with a clean, dry butt.  I recommend exfoliating the day before,  or even two days beforehand if your skin is sensitive.  

1.  Prepare your dermaroller by dousing it with rubbing alcohol and allowing it to dry.  Remember, you're about to create a whole lot of tiny punctures in your skin, which could potentially be entryways for infection.  Cleanliness is key here.

2.  Get to rolling.  Hold one cheek taut while rolling with the other hand.  The image below shows how and how not to hold the dermaroller.  Keeping your index finger on top of the dermaroller yields more control.  

Work in small sections utilizing the following pattern.  The goal is to roll over as much surface area as possible without pulling or dragging the skin.  

3.  Tone.  Here we have some choices.  If you're hitting the beach the next day, opt for a gentle toner like my favorite from Clarins.  Keeping your butt under wraps for a couple of days?  Apply a glycolic toner, like the one below.  (Note: this may sting a bit, because you've now created thousands of tiny punctures in your butt).  Whichever route you choose, ALWAYS apply SPF to your butt and the rest of your body before going in the sun.  Duh.  

4.  VITAMIN C!  Here's your opportunity to take advantage of those tiny punctures and really stimulate collagen production.  Look for a serum containing 20 - 25% L-ascorbic acid, preferably in a formulation that combines ferulic acid.  Amazon has a great selection, many of which are less than $30.  Allow serum to penetrate (at least a full minute) before proceeding to step 5.    

5.  Snail and hydrate.  I'm a huge fan of products containing snail filtrate.  I've since graduated to the Mizon Ampoule below, and use it joyously as part of my weekly butt facial.  Apply a couple of drops, allow to penetrate, and finish with this soothing, emollient balm.  

Note: my sources tell me there's a K-Beauty line out there selling sheet masks for the butt.  If I could find a link I'd obviously post it.  If you want to amp up the above regimen, apply a sheet mask to each cheek, chill out on your stomach for 20 minutes, and then proceed to step 4.  Just imagine the epic belfie!  Here and here are some of my favorite sheet masks.

Enjoy dat ass.  Enjoy your life!